Holy Helicopter

It was around 6 a.m. on a beautiful Thursday morning. The sun had just risen and the view was stunning. I couldn't have asked for a more peaceful way to start my day. As I sat at an empty table at Ned's, I peered out to the ocean and focused in on what appeared to be a stumbling drunk man trying to get the front door open. This man, whom I assumed to be homeless by the looks of him, ended up being a regular named "Frank." Yeah, we'll just call him Frank. And in that instant when Frank stumbled into my perfect morning view, I knew that this was just the beginning of a weird day and the very ending of my so called "peaceful" morning at Ned's.

So as I watched "Frank" struggle with the door, my busboy came over and tried to intercept the situation before it got messier than Frank's getup. He (the busboy) wasn't successful. Frank managed to barge in and slam right into a nearby table while simultaneously and unintentionally squishing the busboy behind the door.

Frank-1: busboy-0

Frank then staggered in my direction and muttered something about wanting to eat some "Pegs and Roast", which I assumed translated to "Egg's and toast." The busboy then came over and tried to make Frank leave (apparently he had been kicked out the previous day), but good ole Frank wasn't having it. He wanted his damn "Pegs and Roast", for cryin out loud!

So after about two minutes of slobbery deliberation, Frank was granted his "Pegs and Roast", just this one last time.

Frank-2 : busboy-0

Frank eventually sat down (right next to me) and began to stuff his face. And while doing so, Frank made strange grunting and humming noises. Oh, and did I mention that Frank smelled of liquor, body odor and grandma perfume? Well he did. And on top of his refreshingly hungover scent, he wore a blood stained white collar dress shirt, his shoes were unlaced, and his hair (or what was left of it), was a mess. Frank was quite the sight. Just what every woman wishes she sees first thing in the morning, right? As a matter of fact, I couldn't justify what I was seeing before my eyes, it was too friggin' early for that kind of crap. I decided to roll with it. Besides, Frank seemed to have mellowed out now that he was granted his one last meal. No one was going to get hurt, at least for the moment anyways...

I couldn't take the noise (coming from Frank) or the smell (of Frank) anymore, so I decided to get up from my table and do some work behind the counter (which was far from Frank). And while Frank worked on his meal I figured it was the perfect time to get away without him noticing. I was very wrong. Frank must have had some drunken radar that specifically zeroed in on me. I mean the man could not take a hint. But I guess he was drunk and apparently drunk people (named Frank), don't take hints.

Frank stood up from his unfinished breakfast, crumbs of toast were all over his mouth and other various parts of his face, and ketchup soiled his already blood stained shirt.

He then walked right over to me and said "Hey, have you ever heard of the band called "Cheap Trick?" His stale breath surrounded all of my personal spaces. Gross. "Yeah", I said, "I know Cheap Trick. They're cool."

"Oh, they're soooo old, but they're cool and old, like me. And they sing a song that I want to dedicate to you and I am going to sing it to you right now. Tell me if you've heard of it, okay?"

"Ummm yeah, okay, I said." I looked beyond him and caught a quick glance at the handful of customers in Ned's. I noticed all eyes were on me and I automatically regretted looking. And Frank began to sing.

"I'd love you to love meeeee. I neeeed yoouuu to want meee. I'd love it if you'd looove meee." Oh, pleaseeee wont you loove meeee."

Oh good god. It was horrific and he clearly butchered the song.

"Yeah, I know that song. It's a nice umm, song." Oh did I hope he was finished.

And then he told me how even though he was old and cool, he could still dance like he was young and that he specialized in particular dance called "The Helicopter." I said a silent prayer to God and asked him to please make this man stop. Please, please don't let him show me this helicopter crap, I begged.

"Lemme show you how I can still dance. I am old but don't let it fool you. I'm damn good at "The Helicopter." He then showed me how you have to wind up to get in the perfect helicopter spin and then leap in the air at just the right moment before you then unwind in the opposite direction.
"Please don't hurt yourself or anyone else, I said. And be careful not to hit the tables."

"Oh, I wont, cuz I'm really good at it."

He wasn't. He fell and dramatically knocked over an entire table and several chairs, and hit his head on the way down. The sound of crickets echoed throughout Ned's as Frank laid silently on the ground. Needless to say his helicopter days were long behind him.

After Frank sobbed to me about his woes and confessed his love for me, I finally was able to escort him out of the restaurant, peacefully. And apparently after he left someone called the police on him and he was arrested for giving "The bird" to some people and being an all around public nuisance. Yep, just another day in the office for me. And that's all folks!

Cal State Fullerton after dark-a column

Hey Y'all, I know this has nothing to do with serving and waiting but again, bear with me. It is a column I wrote in my opinion writing class about CSUF at night. Our teacher chose this topic and this was my first attempt of ever writing a column. As it turns out, I got a 99 out of 100 points possible. Who would have guessed? Especially because the topic is damn boring. Anyways, here it is. Enjoy.

I am here in College park’s cozy Nutwood Café sipping my chai tea, just after seven on a Monday evening. Prior to my being in the café I wandered aimlessly around campus trying to get a taste of what goes on after dark here at CSUF.  And I will tell you what I have discovered:  Not a thing.  There was absolutely nothing going on so I decided to hit up good old Nutwood Café for my usual cup of tea.  

Monday evenings here at CSUF sure are empty and calm. The younger (and much louder) crowd seems to not be here and I like that.  Some may call me boring for preferring the empty and calm over the loud and lively but I’m left wondering, aren’t we here for our education anyway?  I mean, how are you supposed to learn with all that noise?

 

Speaking of noise, as I’m sitting here in the café, these two ladies are discussing their wedding plans in my left ear and the Lakers game is blaring in my right ear. I really want to catch the Lakers game; after all, this is game five of the playoffs.  And I’m wondering if the “Lake-show” is going to live up to its expectations? Or is Utah going to give them a run for their money?  Either way, the Jazz won’t be going to the finals. The Lakers own that spot.

Now that I have decided that there is not much going at CSUF this evening, I am convinced that this is where the action is. Right here in Nutwood Café, watching the playoffs and drinking my chai tea. This is the life.  The only thing that is interfering with my contentment are these wedding- crazed women to my left. They are talking so damn loud and it’s not like there’s any other seats for me to move to.

 

I feel like I am in a theatre watching two different movies at the same time, and there’s no wall separating them.  This is what my movie sounds like:

Ladies in my left ear:

“Yeah, that’s what I was telling James he should do about the suit. He should definitely just spend the money and buy one. I mean, otherwise the rental might not even fit him right and he’s going to spend a fortune either way.”

 

Lakers game to my right: (different random dudes commenting on the game)

“Shit Kobe, what the hell do they feed you?  Wheaties maybe?”

“Ahahaha, too bad LaBron is a better athlete.”

“Yeah right dude, Kobe is the best athlete in the NBA hands down.”

“Nope, LaBron is a better athlete. He’s a house. Kobe is overrated.”

 

Ladies in my left ear:

“ I really don’t like James ‘s mother. Between you and me, I think she’s a neurotic bitch.  And if she thinks she’ll be watching her grandkids she’s insane.”

“Hey, what do you think of purple and green for my wedding colors?  Don’t you think that would be a pretty flower arrangement?”

Lady, I could care less about your flower arrangements and your purple and green colors. In fact, the only colors I care about are purple and gold now shut the hell up so I can hear the game!  This is what I feel like saying to the two wedding crashers to my left.

I instead sip my chai tea and go to my happy place, the one that doesn’t involve women discussing their weddings. And when I come back to reality, they are gone. Yes! They are finally leaving. Too bad the game is pretty much over.

The Lakers manage to eliminate the Jazz from finals 107-96. No surprise there. This season the Lakers are by far the best team in the NBA and that makes for a boring season. Just about as boring as a Monday evening here at CSUF.

Apparently, I'm a Racist

Today at Ned's was quite the experience and I have no other way of putting it.

I found out something about myself that I never knew before. In all my years of living life and being you know, me, I suddenly discovered that I am a racist. Or at least according to some random insane customer I am.

Well I'll be damned(in a total hick/white-trash accent). Shoot, this here falla sure teached me a thing er two. I tell yah, we had ourselves a genius in this here restaurant I reckon. Now lets get ourselves a confederate flag, hook-up the trailer to the tow-hitch and have ourselves a party, celebrating my new found racism!

Some people really are stupid. I would use the word ignorant to describe this customer but why waste such a smart word on someone who's just plain stupid?

Curious as to how this moron came to the conclusion that I am a racist? Well, I'll tell yah.

It was a very hectic Thursday at Ned's. I run the whole restaurant on Thursdays and I am the only server. So since it was such a busy day, it was hard for me to pay extra attention to my customers. I usually chat with some of my regulars and mingle more when I have the time. But

today, I was too busy to even remember my name let alone socialize.

I had over 17 people filled tables and they all demanded something from me. It was pure madness. And in the midst of all this chaos, I had one other serious issue to tend to. I had to pee like a racehorse. So, I decided that the customers could hold their horses while I took care of business.

I was literally in the bathroom for half a minute when I returned to the dining room from the revealing door that reads "Restrooms" right smack dab on the top in bright green letter's.

And before the door closed behind me, a man grabbed my hand and aggressively shoved his bill and some money in my hand. Next he yelled "Hey are you going to take care of this or what? Where have you been? God! This is ridiculous."

I am not going to lie, I gave him the "I am flipping you off in my head right now" glare. He had it coming. He didn't have to be such a jerk. I mean seriously, why couldn't he take care of the bill with the cashier who was literally six feet away from him?

I gave Mr. jerk-face's bill to the cashier and asked them to take care of his payment. I had about 13 other people to deal with and this man was not at the top of my list of priorities if you catch my drift. Besides, he was finished, why did he absolutely need to receive his change from me personally? That's what cashiers are for.

I thought nothing of it and resumed to my duties as personal servant to all. Little did I know I had become a racist.

As I started to take some elderly folk's order, I heard a man's voice within earshot yelling, "Are you a racist or something? Why did you push my sister? Why are you so nice to everyone else but mean to me? You're a racist aren't you? Why are you a racist?"

I looked over at my poor elderly customers and apologized for the situation while in the meantime, the man was still screaming at me. And I mean, really screaming. Then I started to realize what he was saying and I became completely confused. "Racist?, I said in puzzled way. "Huh? Why am I a racist? I have no idea what you're talking about. I then looked at the guy and then I glanced over the whole restaurant and I came to the realization that Ned's was completely full of white-folk, myself included. But what the hell was he? He could have been a purple hippopotamus for all I knew or cared(he was asian, I think). Like I said, I was so busy you could have told me I was Tina Turner and I would have went with it. For crying out loud, did he really need to pull the racial card on me because I am white and had someone else give him his change?

Long story short, I kicked the man out. I told him he was acting inappropriate and threatened to call the police and so he left.

Well my friends, this is where the story ends. Now you know how I have become a racist. If you don't want this to happen to you, never let the cashier give your customer their change, especially if you're white. Now please excuse me, I need to put on my white cape.

A follow-up to a follow-up

Just in case you're wondering....

The whale watching lady that committed suicide was a 33-year old asian woman from el Monte, CA. She apparently kept trying to purchase whale watching tickets, and even sports fishing tickets several times after she jumped off the boat. The ticketing office said they denied her every time and she would just leave without an argument but she would eventually come back and try again. 

There have been no names released and no mention of her family. What I do know is that she drove all the way from El Monte and killed herself in the exact location she had been trying to all along. Why? We'll probably never know. 

A whale of A Tale-follow up

If  you read my "A Whale of A Tale" post, you'd remember me mentioning the lady who jumped off  of the whale watching boat. If you recall the ending of that post you would remember that they did nothing to see if she was alright.  Instead, the lady was released almost immediately after the boat returned her to land.  Police and crew members didn't contact her family or arrest her for her suicide attempt( which is illegal), they just let her go.

 Big mistake.

 That same lady went for one last swim with the fishes. 

Her body was found floating about a quarter mile out from the pier. Oddly enough, it was the same whale watching  boat she jumped off three weeks prior that discovered her body. Even worse, there were nearly one-hundred elementary students on board when her body was discovered. Crew member's of the vessel notified the Coast Guard and were instructed to wait by her body for nearly twenty minutes before they( Coast Guard's) came to retrieve her remains.

She apparently jumped off the rocks pictured above and drowned herself. Those rocks are not very high, they just serve as a barrier for large waves. The lady in this situation, had to actually drown herself by force. A fairly slow and painful death. 

This saddens me and pisses me off simultaneously. 

Why didn't anyone do anything? If I had been on that boat, like I originally planned on being, I would have said something. I  mean, why didn't anyone see the seriousness in that situation? A grown woman who goes on a whale watching voyage alone and jumps off the boat to "Swim with the fishes", is clearly not sane. 

I don't even know this lady or her story, yet I am saddened for her and her family. If I was her loved one, I would wonder why nobody spoke up. One simple phone call may have been all it would have taken to have saved her life. Just one person taking an interest in her well being. But no one cared enough to do anything, and unfortunately this is a common issue with people. They just don't care.

 I am not putting the blame on anyone in particular for her suicide. I am just trying to point out that it is so easy to turn your head in the other direction when it comes to people we don't know or feel any attachment towards. 

Who knows, this lady could have been a crazy person with no loved one's in her life. But she may have meant the world to someone too. She could have been someone's mother, daughter, lover, sister or friend. 

Why we should care?

 Because this could have been our mother, daughter, sister, friend, or lover that no one cared enough to save. 

Perverts and Pancakes

Today was a typical, yet interesting day at "Ned's." The sun was shining, the coffee was strong, and the food was warm. All seemed great and "normal' with the exception that some weird old-men decided it would be appropriate to hit on me while I served them their grub. The interesting thing about this was the fact that these men are regulars whom I thought were pretty cool dudes. I was wrong, they're not cool dudes they're just dirty old farts.

The first incident was with a man who comes in about once a month when he is in town on business(he's a pilot). This man who we'll just call, "Pervert Number One," mentioned to me that it was a beautiful day and I agreed and continued with my business of serving. A few minutes later as I was pouring coffee to another guest, pervert number one signaled me over to him. When I got over to his table he said, "You know, the pool at my hotel is beautiful, have you ever seen it?''

"Yes," I said. "And I have been in it several times. I used to have a gym membership there and the pool is part of the deal." Pervert Number One(who is an estimated 60 years old) than said "Would you like to come over to my hotel and change and then go for a swim?"

"Ummm, no thanks," I responded. I walked away feeling dirty. I might as well have had the word "hooker" tattooed on my forehead, because that's how I felt. Like a hooker.

What is wrong with this man? What makes him think that just because I served him his pancakes he can ask me to come over to his hotel? This also makes me wonder if he has been successful in the past. I mean, if he had the guts to ask me that question in the first place, he must have gotten his way before with somebody.

Bottom-line: I am not an idiot. I wasn't born yesterday, and I know a pervert when I see one. There's no way in hell I'm going to a perfect stranger's hotel room. I mean, he may be older than sin, but you never know. He could chop me up into a million pieces and put me in his suitcase. And I don't know about those other girls but grandpa's suitcase sure as hell isn't one of the places I'd like to visit before I die (or when I die).

The incident with Pervert Number Two was not nearly as degrading as perv number one but gross nonetheless. Pervert Number Two came in right after perv number one left. Perv Number Two ordered pancakes as well. While I was taking his order he asked me what size dress I wore and that he bets he could get me a nice dress. He then said, "I bet so many women would kill to be your size."

I don't care if these men have some deranged fantasy of me swimming  in a pool while wearing a  nun's outfit . They should keep this to themselves. I have one word for this: Gross! I just have one question. Why do perverts that order pancakes, have to come to Ned's? Why God, why?

A Random Rant

Hey y'all, I know this has nothing to do with the theme "Serving and Waiting," but bare with it. 

Since our teacher required us to post this rant to our blog and YouTube, it doesn't necessarily flow with my regular blog. My rant in particular has to do with a 14-year-old girl who posted nude pictures of herself on MySpace and is now being charged as a child pornographer. Tell me what your opinion is. Do you think a 14-year-old girl should have to be forced to register as a sex offender for this? Do you believe that she should face 17-years in prison for disrespecting herself? Do you feel like she is a child pornographer? I want to hear your thoughts on this subject.  Feel free to disagree with me. P.S. I am sorry if I look in all sorts of directions, I had no idea where my video cam was on this computer. I am still figuring out how to use my new imac.

Hot "Purse" of Coffee Anyone?

Today was a very weird day to say the least. I got to work at a very sunny 5 am, next I about fell right back asleep because nobody came in until about 8 am. I drank way too many cups of coffee and ate just about nothing. My boss, who is also the cook got the bright idea to call the second server and tell her not to bother coming into work because we were so slow. Very "UN-bright" idea on my boss's behalf. It was a Saturday morning and we are a very busy breakfast place and he was intending on making me run the whole joint, solo. Get the picture? He(my boss) pretty much fed me to the wolves.

Within ummm, I'd say twenty minutes of my boss telling the "help" to stay home, I got slammed(meaning, extremely busy). Pretty much everyone and their moms came in, and did I mention all at the same time? Needless to say I was in over my head. Do I even have a head? At this point, I really didn't know what the hell was going on. With that being said, I think for the most part I handled the chaotic day with ease and grace, like a true pro......well, maybe until about a hour before closing....that is about the time I became a real mess.

First I gave a customer(who is also a regular) his change. At this point you're probably thinking "Big deal, you gave him some change" but you see I sort of dropped his change in his Egg's Benedict while in mid-bite. That is right my friends, literally in his Egg's Benedict. The only unfortunate thing about this is the fact that this same guy has witnessed me do many other klutzy things not only to him, but many other customers. Wait, it gets better.

After I apologized to him repeatedly, I decided to go make my rounds with coffee and water. The only problem with that idea was the chair in my way and it sort of took me down. Ok, so I ate shit right in front of this same dude. Of course! The man then helps pick me up off of the floor as he mumbles "Well kid, you really are somethin else". I was mortified. And it only goes downhill from here.

I brushed myself off and finally made it outside to fill up coffee, clear dirty plates, drop checks and so fourth. I made it over to a table of some ladies and I grabbed their dirty dishes and asked if they'd like a final cup of coffee. One lady responded yes, and the other says she is not interested in anymore coffee. Well, I gave it to her anyways, let me just tell you. One of the women at the table kindly pointed out that I was pouring coffee into her friends purse. You heard right. I apparently was pouring the coffee into her purse the whole time and didn't even know it. I seriously filled this ladies purse with Farmer's Brother's darkest roast. As this was all taking place, that same man whom's Egg's benedict I ruined, happened to be standing behind me waiting to give me my tip. He then repeated "Well kid, like I said before, you really are something else". My response.."Hey man, That's the way I roll".

Change of Plans

Ok, I have decided that it is probably not the wisest decision to expose my work without their permission. I do not intend to ask them for their permission because I feel like I am maybe being too candid for their liking so I have decided to leave out the name and location of my work all together. I will just come up with a fictional beach and name. I really doubt anyone will see this but why run the risk of getting fired? Then I would have have nothing to blog about and "Serving and Waiting" would be pointless. I would then have to name the blog "Broke as a joke", or "Tales of a homeless street-walker", and that wouldn't be so good. Or would it....?

With that being said I have decided to look at my work place as a character and what that character would be called according to it's personality. If I had to sum up my work place, I would say that it is a very old man with ton's of amazing stories to tell about the adventures of his life. This is a man you'd love to sit down and have a coffee with. He is very endearing and warm. Someone you never get sick of and even if you do, you always come back for more. This is a man named Ned. That's right folks, I now work at Ned's.

"Who needs integrity anyways?" -- Follow-Up

Mr. Scauzillo, here is your follow up to my, "Who needs integrity anyways?" post.

The couple didn't come in for a good two weeks after I saw him out with the other woman. In all the time I have worked for Ned's, I have never gone without seeing the couple at least once a week. I wonder if maybe they temporally went on a hiatus and he was totally not cheating? Oh yeah, they are sort of...MARRIED. The guy is pretty much a slime ball in my opinion.

Back to the point. After their two-week absence, they have been coming in again as usual. Now the guy doesn't to talk to me and he won't order their meals. The wife is the one doing all of the ordering and communicating. Man, I wonder if she notices that he acts weird around me? Probably not. I bet she is clueless, and if she isn't than she is just as bad as he is. I would never want to trade places with them. Relationships that are like this are just flat out a waste of very precious life. It is just too bad.

A Whale of A Tale

It is a Thursday morning at the restaurant and I am brainstorming on my down time for not only my next blog, but also a good lead for my next broadcast package. As I sit at an empty table, I look out the window and glance ahead towards the ocean and see the whale watching boat getting ready to dock our pier. Last week I told its captain, Gary, that I was thinking about doing a story on whales and spin it on their migratory pattern or something to that effect, the only thing that was holding me back is the fact that I work most weekends and I am pretty sure I might be the sea-sickness type. I decided not to go. Little did I know I would miss out on quite a story.

So when the boat known as "The Voyager" finally docked the pier, it jolted the restaurant back and forth as it usually does. I feel a churn in my stomach, as I usually do, and I think to myself, "Oh yeah, definitely the sea sick type." I take a moment to collect myself and my guts before I get up and prepare to be bombarded by the whale watchers. And bombarded I was.

Captain Gary comes in as he always does to get his small cup of black coffee. Only this time he doesn't look quite like himself...he looks, wet? He then says to me, "Amie, you really should have gone on the boat with us today. You'll never guess what just happened." He then proceeds to tell me that a woman jumped off the whale watching boat right by a grey whale. She apparently went on the boat alone and just randomly jumped off when they first spotted the whale. Gary literally had to jump in with some of the other deck hands to get the woman back on the boat. At this point I am wishing I could jump off the boat myself for missing the opportunity to have captured this whole thing for my next story.

The story gets better. I ask Gary the typical five W's and the "how" and he tells me, "Well, when we asked her why she had jumped off the boat, she said she just wanted to swim with the fishes. It was all really weird, we just turned the boat right back around and released her to police and they just let her go home."

As funny as this story may seem, it's disturbing that the lady was just let go. She obviously was or is very disturbed. I really can't believe I missed out on this story. If I had been there, I think I would have pressed authorities to contact her family or at least commit her.

People Have Issues Part- Deuce

So, if you remember from my "People have issues" post, I mentioned this really miserable old-fart couple and told you how the man yelled at me. Well, he came back today and yelled at me AGAIN! I purposely made the other server take the table and told her that I absolutely could not take them because I might lose my cool. Let me paint the picture. So, it was a busy Sunday morning and I was SLAMMED(extremely busy)! I walked by the delightful old couple and pretended as if they were not even there when I heard someone yell "Will you shut the door?" I thought to myself, "I know this dude is not talking to me" and  I continued about my business as if I never heard that last remark. Then the man yells this same order again and this time there is no mistaking who he is speaking to. The man is yelling at me. So I decided to ignore it and instead, I  asked the bus boy (who just opened it) if it was ok that I shut the door. This time the man yells "Oh for gods sake just shut the door!" Let me just tell you it took everything in me not to throw him off the pier and feed him to the fishes! What a complete piece of work this guy is. It is sad in all that this couple is just completely miserable but I am no longer going to tolerate this crap. Not from ANYONE! Mark my words, if this happens again, this guy's ass is grass. That is all. Have a good day.

Who needs integrity anyways?

So, I was sitting at a bar eating soup at lazy dog the other day and (ironically I was sick as a dog), stressed about all the school I've missed due to my recent bout with Bronchitis and I was thinking to myself, what do I write my blog about? Just when I said out loud to my friend Hope who was accompanying me "Ahhh I have no ideas!!!," I looked over across the bar and noticed this older man making out with this young girl. I mean at first I thought he was kissing his daughter. Then I took a closer look and realize, hey that guy is my long time regular customer at Ned's, how ironic......maybe I should go say hi to him. So I got up from my chair and began to walk over to him when I noticed him give me a shocked look, a look of someone who was definitely not happy to see me. It then dawned on me that the young girl was definitely not his lovely wife(who is also my regular) and this girl is DEFINITELY not his daughter. I quickly flipped a 180 and took my place back at the bar. When  got back to my seat I told my friend, Hope, about the situation and we both were just trying not to stare and pretend like it's no big thing. I mean this is a man who I have waited on every single week for the past three years, I really thought he loved his wife. They always seem so cute together and they share a meal every time. What a bummer. Bottom-line, how the hell am I going to smile at him and his wife and just act like I don't know that her husband is a complete sleez-ball? People have no integrity. Why would you get married and waste someone else's time and life if you're just going to break your vows? I mean, what's the point? Just be single for goodness sake!!!! Just buy a Porsche, get some hair plugs, a gym membership and date women who sees you as a credit card. Serving them biscuits and gravy is never going to be the same again. I hope he gets caught and his wife meets a hot man half her age!!! Or maybe, just someone with a little INTEGRITY!

People have issues...

So you all know by now that I am a server..... a server who is waiting to get the heck out of the restaurant biz. Especially after today. With that being said, I actually love my job 90% of the time and I am thankful for my job and all that jazz but sometimes you are reminded just how crazy some people are. I mean I flat-out had to put two different customer's in their place today. Usually this would cause your boss-man to send you packing but today, my boss had my back. Now that I got that off my chest, let me explain. So I am at work and I am telling the new waitress about this god-awful old couple that came in and are just flat-out off the charts grumpy. They never smile, they never act friendly to me or each other, for that matter. In fact, they act as if they hate each other and life all together. Of course, after I give her the 4-1-1 on them, they roll in and sit right in my section. This couple by the way, has brought other past servers to tears and they've even been asked not to come back. They can't take a hint, obviously. So today, I decide a different approach, I try the overly cheerful and ridiculously friendly approach(normally I keep it real) and they weren't picking up the bait. Instead the man fussed about how small his table was and asked if he could sit in another table. I told him we were on a wait and that table was for someone on the wait list. I apologized sincerely and he said "well what about that table"(a dirty table), so I said I would check with the bus boys and see if anyone was waiting for it. As I went to ask them, the old man raised his hand and yelled at me across the room " Hey, I'm hungry are you ever just going to come over here and take my order"? I need to eat now! Hurry it up"! Oh no he didn't. I felt the blood boil in my body and it took everything in me not to tell him to get the hell out. Instead I yelled right back "you just asked me to check for you and that's what I am doing, if you're hungry than why did you ask for a different table in the first place'? Then the dude had the nerve to say "don't talk to me that way". My response..."I could say the same for you" Now what can I get for you, since "you're so hungry"?. I still cant get over why people act this way to server's. I mean seriously who died and made them Jesus? It really trips me out that so many people are this ignorant and unhappy. My advice to people like this.. Stay home and keep your negativity in your own kitchen. If you are miserable, it is no one elses job to make you satisfied, that is one's own responsibility. You are not entitled to a bigger, nicer seat, you are never entitled to anything. Go see a shrink people or go to McDonald's for christ sake.

Blog Obama

I have a confession to make.....I did not have a chance to watch some of his speech until today. I currently have no Internet and no cable and when I am not at school, I am at work. Bottom line...My life is chaotic these days. I am lucky if I can shower! At my work (the restaurant), many of the older regulars have asked me of my thoughts on his speech and made random comments like "what do all your teacher's say about Obama's stimulus plan" What do you think about Obama"? "Are you excited"? My answer...honestly? No, I am not excited. Words aren't actions and until a "change" takes place and makes a noticeable and positive difference, his speech does not really make a difference to me. I am sorry, that's just me being honest. Do I like Obama? It doesn't really matter, I do not know this man. None of us do. I can say that I hope he does a good job and I hope everything works out for the better.

Madonna's Lattes.

So, here I am on a typical Thursday morning at the breakfast joint. Thursday's gather a very different crowd than the weekends, which are usually all of our old-school regulars and younger college students. Thursdays are usually the older retired folk and the British Airways attendants (which are from England obviously). The attendants are very, very predictable...they always come at the crack of dawn(5am) when I am at my laziest and of course they want to sit outside in the lovely 50 or below temperature. Opening side work has not been finished and the cook isn't quite prepped to make poached eggs and English muffins. These people eat poached eggs on top of English muffins or brown toast (what we call "wheat"), like its going out of style. They drink about two to three glasses of orange juice and about two pots of hot tea. It's all very....."splendid." With that being said, I get a total kick out of waiting on most of these individuals and end up asking them a million things about England, flying and so fourth and I absolutely adore a English/British accent. They pretty much rock. I have noticed that they have a very different vocabulary than us here in the U.S. it is very sophisticated and proper and I find it to be really hilarious and cool at the same time.



These folks, I've noticed are more celebrity crazed than Americans if you can believe that. They always have stories about different celebs that regularly travel with their airways. A couple of them were telling me how "peculiar" Madonna is, and how she always has to have soy vanilla creamer for her coffee and soy vanilla latte's made for her at her request. She also has a private Japanese cook that travels with her and they say she eats funny looking jelly food that comes in different sized Tupperware containers. It might look like this:


Or possibly even this:

Hah! Just kidding. Pretty funny, huh? Oh, that Billy Cosby and his Jell-O Puddin'.
Just wanted some suspense.

Anyways, why do I care to hear this? I dunno, but I keep on asking away. They say she travels with a whole barrage of assistants that do everything for her even on a damn plane. What the heck is wrong with this picture? Why the hell do we kiss so much butt to another human being like Madonna? I mean, seriously? Why do we care to know whats going on in a total stranger's personal life and why do we give them so much power? Honestly, I can care less about Madonna. I don't keep up with celebrities and their drama (it kills brain cells). However, I'm guilty of keeping up with my favorite athletes and musicians, so I guess I can't really be a hypocrite about it all. These British Airways people find Madonna fascinating, when I could care less while I'm crying over my Sports Illustrated as I read about Brett Favre retiring. While they like Madonna and whatever it is she likes to eat, I like Brett Favre and care about his retirement (which ruined my entire day). Bottom line, we're all facinated by celebrities, whether we admit it or not.

Customers are Characters.

Ned's (the place I work) is a character in itself. It has been sitting on a sport fishing dock for nearly 50 years and has a very unique charm. It is located right next door to a Sport Fishing joint(which is 50 years old too) on a tiny pier that looks as if it could fall over with the next wave. In the 50 years that this place has been in business it has generated a very interesting crowd of people, most of which are regulars that have been coming for 20 or more years, others are fisherman, and many are foreigners who stay at the hotel across the street. Along with the ones listed, we have a good amount of little known celebrities, and the customers that might as well be famous. I guess the main point of this whole spiel is to introduce my diverse clientele and examine people and their persona's in general. I have got to tell you, we get some pretty interesting characters at this joint.

Starting with him (Puck), from MTV's very first "The Real World" crew. For those of you who have never seen it or don't know who I'm talking about, I urge you to YouTube him and the episodes he was in. I would describe him as... controversial?? That's putting it mildly. Anyways, he came in this past Saturday morning and happened to witness me trip over someones chair and fall flat on my face in the middle of a breakfast rush. Oh yeah, and I was holding a customer's take-out. He asked me for a diet coke right after ward then proceeded to fish with his son and my neighbor over at the fishing joint. I mean come on, how do you keep a straight face after seeing something like that and order a diet coke? I guess good old grandmaster Puck does.

Then there's the fisherman dude who comes in about three times per week and orders the same exact thing every single time and yet it takes him about a half an hour before he decides what to eat. He lives on his boat and always has a weird smell to him. It's kind of a cross between Old Spice and cheese. I don't know his name so we'll just call him the "Weird Fisherman Cowboy." I say cowboy because he wears tight jeans and a cowboy boots all the time and he fishes and sails in this get up. I kid you not. (Also, he has a ponytail and wears jewelry.. Like earrings and turquoise bracelets.) What makes him weird, aside from the costume and funky smell is the fact that he sits and stares at me the entire time. He doesn't flirt, in fact he's kind of a grump yet he stares at me the whole time, even when he is eating with other people. He drinks about 400 cups of coffee just to have a reason to stare. I mean what the hell? Who does that? If you are one of those weird characters who decide to wear funky clothes and smell cheesy, I urge you not to stare at people and act like a space cadet, otherwise you just might have an entire blog dedicated to your weirdness.

intro.

This blog is going to be about my experiences as a server at a small breakfast restaurant on a Southern California Beach pier. I have been serving for about seven years and in the restaurant business for about eight. Serving, although it puts me through college, is so looked down upon by many and that is where I will tie in the ignorance of the many  customers I meet. I am not planning on making serving a lifelong career but for the meantime, it gets me through college and pays the rent therefore, I have the last laugh. And the truth of the matter is that customers for the most part are clueless. I am not saying this to be mean but it's just that simple. Day in and day out I am exposed to some of the most random pieces of work (and you'll see what I'm talking about in future posts) on the planet and it lets me know just how strange the average person really is.

This where I explain the title of my blog, "Serving and Waiting." The first part of the title is pretty self explanatory. I am a server and I am literally serving people. Waiting is another term for "serving" yet it also is symbolic for the customers who are "waiting" to be served. It is funny to me how we all have the same objective in common, I am "waiting" to get paid and move on to another more promising future, and I am "waiting" for these people to eat their food, pay up and go on with their happy little day. Yet they (the customers) are waiting to be served, eat, pay and leave. Now I'm not saying that every customer I get is some weirdo. A lot of these people are die-hard regulars and in some cases even my friends. And out of all the restaurants I've worked at, this place is by far the best and most rewarding (believe it or not). Enough stuff goes on at that place where it could actually be a television show or a book.

So this blog doesn't sound repetitive (which it won't, I promise you), I'll be throwing in the fact that I am someone who isn't always aware of my surroundings, therefore a klutz who really has no business serving food. I'm a danger to both myself and those around me.. No joke. I wish I was kidding, but unfortunately I'm not. Most of my clumsiness that I'll write about will sound unbelievable (maybe way out there) but I swear it's all true.

So, with all that being said, I welcome you to take part in the journey I call my life.